I've been spending today in physical awareness

of my body hurts
in mental awareness 

of past longings and

secret memories i've unearthed

from the 

dusty box

in my back alley

labeled 

"thou shall not want"

I've been swimming in the pool
the locks where tight, but I slithered past still.

My heart
is occupied
my headbrain
is fuzz

You said you wanted to wait for the perfect time
and i think
time has no place in a place like this

Post operative haze,

I travel in past time regression 

to a place once been

but never felt.

The air in it was like Popsicles

I couldn't see three feet in back of my face

introduce:

night terror dream space

notches on arm posts

rigid fist clench dig deep nail gouges gauge time

panicky pace steps

wander in disillusioned variables of

I- can't sleep

II- can't calm

mind blazing traits of unconscious banter tapes

Mix tape One, Side A:

~some song about the weather

~long period of indiscernible brain refuse

~Body Beautiful - Salt N Pepa

~half a speech on nuclear fission

Mix tape One, Side B:

~unintentionally left full

black dogs catch underfoot

shadows besides, muscles twitch

some mitigated circumstance

overseen by god and the milkman

if it wasn't for free refills

I'd strangle myself.

.

Hey You.

Ugly motivate-R
easy dissociate-R
chronic masturbate-R

That pose you hold
is sewn in your clothes
with strings of bones
and applesauce

Starch Spray IRONed Stiff
by demons taunting with tokes
of
ENDlessly
PERpetuating
HOPscotch
MotionReality.

It was a tattle tall tale
Irritable Vowel Syndrom
'cause "RAIAIAI" doesn't score
in scrabble.
Mind blur dazzles from
carpet floor slumber parties
and working steam wands into
hand blisters.
Low on the dough,
but not on the dole.
breath
easy
butter buns.

puppy dog heart tug crush pup
cuddle bugs in attic wires
Singed Featherduster.
Sorted KnickKnacks.
Solidified Protagonist.

Seeking:
suckerfish pronouns
lip locked engine reved
speed champ
cosmonaut.

Protoplastic Deathmatch Hatemonger
Turn to local 12, let ye be rested.

there are molecular discrepencies in the mindsphere.
and when you ask me how it goes
you'll get
fair to middlin'
tolerable'
'cause that's where it rests
some place between
facsimile motion drive
and
back scratch fusion blur tank.

Terracotta pots
TerraCOTTA pots
TERRACOTTA POTS.

don't look for
the in
out
side
fast
back
meanings.
you'll get nowhere.

fuck your simple stream sideline symphonies.

There are some who say their
gods were created out of chaos.
My gods,
I make mine out of habit.

the hallway smelled of fruits
honeydew, or cantaloupe
there's bone dust on the table
last night i made love to
a beautiful girl
her bellybutton was pierced to
remind the world that she
was a rebel.
i crack open a can
of citrus flavored soda
taste the hallway
and count the corners of
the room
twelve

I escape into dreamworld

the smell of Decaf House-blend
reminds me of your ankles
too small for your feet
but
supporting your body none the less
your ankles
you never notice them
i do
almost five times a day

my hipposcampus works wonders
but only when conscious

if i bind your hands
to the shower curtain bar
and your feet
stapled to the floor
i could project film regarding the
sex lives of geese upon your
thin pale flesh
i would eat popcorn and
masturbate
i would douse your head with
kerosene

Suffering through nights of anxiety anti-
sleep leaves me tired and disoriented
during the day.
I'm following dance step instruction motions.
My mind probes corners.
My body strains with the pressures of exist(entialism)ing.

sandmannamdnas

Lethargic redundancies follow me
to sleep,
.............follow me
to almost sleep,
.............follow me
to never sleep.


A daydream misnomer.
I imagine:
..........debaucherous
..........mid-atlantic
..........flight
..........endeavors


I imagine:
..........curdled
..........memories of
..........once envisioned
..........wisdom


I percieve:
..........Slate black
..........commie
..........clouds
..........resilient

Severa(l)(ance) checks

[in(un)date] to [relocate(d)]
these cross
[whe(a)ther(ed)]
beams
they question my
sa-la-la-anity
yuo don't 
[(k)no(w)]
nothin'bout me
no
more


a cyst cut off
good [rid(dance)]
to
bad rubbish
rubfish
redfish
toasttryst


burning/seye/
/shgiht/
tries
[something loose(d)]
inside --->Mind[body]

Beat Space Rush

My Dog-track Mind Chases
Flash Bang Rabbit thoughts
Skyscraper dishes on
Crumpled Contemporary works
Futile Failed Flings with
Heart Swollen Fellows
Trashed Veins Pulse through
Projector eyes like silent Pictures
My awareness is Flash Frozen
Freeze Dried in place
I feel Heartbeat in my Ears
Hear Heartbeat in my Head Brain
Steady Deafening Rhythm
BeatSpaceRushBeatSpaceRush
Sickening Melody as Eyes
Burn Dry Grass as Water
Seep Seeps from Corners
Computers Sing nearfar
Floors Creak Lean like Elephants
Insides Sputter Reuse
Ingested Vacancy of
Special Hands Holding
Skeleton Hipbones
Stones Stuck in throat
Impossible, Swallow Sandpaper Swords
Vision Blurred See
Fireworks on the Highway
Black Chalk Marks Limbs
Write Conclusion
"You've got a long way to go"
Post Script:
"Fast Dash to the corner left
you withered and shaking"
Break Right,
Hope Velvet Curtains
Bombed out
The Place Is
Bombed Out
Face Misnomer in Faded Black Denim
Rotting Rotten Rat Teeth Smirk
Revealed in Three Sided Mirrors
Fucked Faulty Fingers Find
Detonator
Detonate
Dissapear

now don't laugh
but you smell like turpentine
and guava juice
and that
turns me on
makes me hot like steam
not boiling water, but steam
steam that will melt your face off if you get too close
you melt my face off when i get too close
in another country
they would throw acid in your face
they would melt you face
'cause you're
that.
goddamn.
beautiful.

cold wind stings face
eyes skin red
the hopscotch battalion wages
war in my gut hurts
you sing to me in dream
speech synchronization
pelting perfect piercing
mind bombs
KaPow
kApOW
shake my nerves and
shatter my solace

It was predator snake vision red stains
It was a blueberry smell in the dairy aisle
It was a moon beam dragon beast lifting rabbit heads into shopping carts
It was that feeling that
somewhere somehow someone
had your best interest at heart

screw your love songs

I dream of you in fishnets. not fishnets, but
fishnets.
the kind you catch fish with.

you, doused in butter and creme fresh.

i want you.
lay you down in the bed i've made for you.
the bed i've made of newspapers and cigarette packs cut into
a full scale replica of the entire spanish inquisition.

i want to scrape the dirt from under your nails with my teeth.
i want to  fuck the crust from under your eyelids with my fingers.

can i be your dairy maid?
can i be your father figure?
can i be your naughty politican? 

I challenge you to a fruit squeezing contest.
Raspberries and tomatoes.

.v.t. eht hguorht aremac eht gir lliw i
netsil ll'ew dna ,llaw eht ta htob tniop ll'I
tniap eht fo dnuos eht ot
retsalp eht ot evol gnikam

Maybe,
It's from listening to Buddy Wakefield
'cause MAN, that guy moves me.
Maybe,
It's from when I was hanging up shirt
after shirt on plastic hangers that reminded
me that No, I'm not the man I used to want
to be.
Maybe,
It's because so many children died today
and I did nothing to stop it, except
eat my second bowl of frosted mini-wheats
while watching the 5 o'clock news wondering
if that horse that got stuck in ice really has
anything to do with me.
Maybe,
It's from knowing that everything I did today
to make it from noon to midnight won't matter
in the morning 'cause I'll forget what I was
hiding from while dreaming rainbows and it
will all catch up with me when I wake.

I want to douse the Autobahn in Ketchup.
It's the thought in my head while pissing.
The mirror tells me to dye my hair.
I tell it to shutthefuckup.
I eat a sugary bowl of cereal to calm my nerves.

I watch a movie about a pianist who lives their entire
life on a cross atlantic ocean liner.

I wonder to what extent I would be prosecuted
for crucifying cats on porch rooftops.